The Queen Records Single "For All the Haters"

Controversial royal single already banned everywhere

The Queen is set to make musical history later this year by becoming the first ruling monarch this century to release a CD single. The song allegedly lashes out at those people who have attacked her over her celebrity and bling-bling lifestyle.

Elizabeth II (1926 - ) has spent the last few weeks in a recording studio putting together material ready for the release. It was originally suggested that she cover one of Freddie Mercury's songs, until it was pointed out that this would be frankly ridiculous. Instead, the single mixes contemporary UK garage with the Queen's unique brand of rapping to create an original piece.

"This single is dedicated to all the haters. The Queen has been dissed once too often by other recording artists jealous of her success," said royal spokesman Bertie Refrigerator, "These haters - they see the fast cars, big houses, heavy jewellery and rule of the Empire, and they think they can have a pop. Well, its time for them to learn that if you diss the Queen then you're in for one royal dissing yourself."

The Queen and her crew have been strongly criticised for promoting a culture of violence in the past. Lyrics to a previous royal release included lines such as "God save the Queen! Send her victorious" which many see as encouraging violence on the streets. More recently, one of her live gigs was ended prematurely by police when it was discovered that twenty cannons had been smuggled into the event. Despite having not heard it yet, most major radio stations have already banned the controversial new single in an attempt to save time doing so later.

'Monarchy in the UK' is set to be released on May 27th to coincide with John Lydon's birthday.