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Home | Archive | Previous Issue | Next Issue | Issue 10 |
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ISSUE 10 |
| Badly Drawn Boy Takes Off Hat, Loses Strength | | Six Members of S Club 7 Quit S Club 7 | | Stereophonics Challenge Minogue To Fight To Death | | |||
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Badly Drawn Boy Takes Off Hat, Loses StrengthDoctors warn headgear removal could have been fatalBadly Drawn Boy was admitted to a Manchester hospital's emergency ward last week after a foolish attempt to remove his trademark stripy woolen hat. Doctors were able to successfully stabilise his condition and surgically reattach his headgear. The artist (real name Damon Gough) recently completed the soundtrack for 'About a Boy' in which Hugh Grant wanders around a bit and probably says a few things. Gough had worn the hat for ten years as part of a bet with one of his mates. Upon collecting his fairly-won tenner last Tuesday he took off his headgear and promptly collapsed unconsciously to the pavement, where he was later discovered by a passer-by. "I don't know what I was thinking," said Gough to NoiseMonkey from his hospital bed, "I knew it was dangerous to take off me hat after all these years. I even had a nice beret to put on in its place, but before I could fit it on me head I went all weak, like. The next thing I know I'm in here, surrounded by doctors." Gough isn't the first celebrity that has been become over-reliant on the protection of their hat. In 1995 Boy George removed his hat when meeting the Queen, and spent three months in casualty as a result. The Queen was said to be shaken but unharmed. Expert doctors claim that Badly Drawn Boy is lucky to be alive. "Badly Drawn Boy is lucky to be alive," hollered Doctor Jo MacCrow from Glasgow, "The top of his head has spent so long protected from the outside world by his headgear that exposure to it now could be fatal. He was extremely fortunate that it was a clear sunny day. If there had been a gentle breeze, or heaven forbid some light rain, things could have turned out a lot worse." She added "If he ever shaves off that beard of his, it'd be suicide." |
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EditorMonkeyHello and welcome to NoiseMonkey, the manufactured music news site! I really don't have a great deal to say in this issue's editor's comment, so why don't you just hurry up and read the main stories themselves? Go on, I don't mind. Bye! Are you still reading this??? Look - just go away, ok? There's new stories about the Stereophonics, the one they call Badly Drawn Boy, and the mighty S Club 7 to be read, and you're not getting any younger. You're still here? Right, that does it! This editor's comment ends here! MT
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NoisesOffDear NoiseMonkey, I would just like to say I am very disappointed at the poor level of manufactured journalism displayed by your website of late. The Queen recording a single, Pop Idol becoming a new religion, Darius joining Limp Bizkit - your news is barely more made-up than that of the real world. When a member of N'Sync plans to go into space and Peter Buck is accused and cleared of air rage, don't you think you should be trying a little harder to come up with more fictitious material? ROLF via carrier pigeon |
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Six Members of S Club 7 Quit S Club 7Pop group to be relaunched immediately as S Club PaulPrimary schools around the country were shocked this week at the announcement that popular musical combo S Club 7 are to lose six of their members. The news comes after weeks of speculative speculation as to the band's future, which saw many speculators speculating that S Club 7 would be downsizing in an attempt to remain cost-effective in today's fierce pop market. Many other speculators speculated that S Club 7 would spectacularly move into the speculation business. Tina Barrett (25), Jo O'Meara (22), Bradley McIntosh (20), Hannah Spearitt (22), Jon Lee (19) and Rachel Stevens (36-24-36) will each be leaving the band to pursue a musical career under the name of 'S Club'. The group's new style will be upbeat pop songs, possibly about how nice it is to dance or go to a friend's birthday party. The remaining members of S Club 7, Paul Cattermole (25), are to continue their career under the new name of 'S Club Paul'. The group's direction will remain the same, although some of their more complicated dance moves will have to be dropped and duets have now become fairly difficult. The popular TV series in which the band appear is to face changes too, with the plots revolving around Paul to a greater extent, as he copes with the loneliness of living on his own for the first time. Paul Cattermole was available for comment, but NoiseMonkey felt a bit too tired to talk to him. |
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Stereophonics Challenge Minogue To Fight To DeathKelly Jones threatens to "bite her hands off"Kelly Jones, leadsinger with moaning indie group Stereophonics, issued a challenge to Kylie Minogue, leadsinger with popular pop group Kylie Minogue yesterday, requesting her presence in a bitter fight to the death. It is thought that Jones is either aiming to remove the leading stars of the pop scene one-by-one in order to secure the chart supremacy of indie music, or is just a bit weird. The fight was called off this morning after Jones accidentally twisted his ankle writing a new song about tramps and suicide in a small Welsh town, but is likely to be rescheduled for a later date. Under Jones' instructions the fight was to be fought using fists alone, with neither combatant allowed to resort to a phone vote. It was also stressed that it would not be televised on ITV at 7.30pm on a Saturday evening. Minogue is not the only pop artist to be targeted by Stereophonics recently. In an embittered letter to Smash Hits magazine last week Jones made it clear that unless the pop industry as a whole reduced its manufacturing processes he would be forced to take drastic actions: "If any of you so much as think of releasing another cheery pop single I will personally bite your hands off," wrote Jones, "I'm not joking. I'm deadly serious. I don't want to have to do it, but its the only way you'll learn." The Sterophonics have often made public their heart-felt hatred of groups who sacrifice musical creativity for hollow popularity and money-making success and especially those who give in to rampant commercialism. The band claim to be writing a number of songs capturing these strong convictions, which they will be showcasing when they headline the V2002 MacNike stage this August. "You've escaped this time, Kylie, love," said Jones to no-one in particular, "But keep remembering - no pop music equals a happy hand-filled future. You know it makes sense." The Stereophonics' new single 'Dead Tramp on a Bicycle in the Rain in a Small Welsh Town' is out next Monday on Unwashed Records. |
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Games Review: Metal Gear So SolidAs garage music tie-ins go, this latest for the X-Playcube is one of the best, easily seeing off competition from recent release 'The Streets-Fighter II'. A stealth-based game, you take a member of the So Solid Crew through a variety of stealth-based missions, avoiding conflict at all costs and being sure to condone the violent actions of others at all times. The game excels in longetivity. There are over 20 hours of gameplay to be had here just choosing which of the many So Solid Crew members to play as. If the game has a drawback, its that many of the missions and locations planned in the development stages of the game have been canned in this final version. Graphics 8/10
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