New Eminem Album To Lyrically Attack Queues, The Weather, Airline Food

Collaboration with that bloke from the Halifax adverts planned

Eminem's new album is set to be his angriest yet, according to a piece of paper found lying around in a room that may or may not have been in the same building as his record company. The Detroit rapper (real name Mr Eminem.N. Emineminemineminem) was recently voted the second angriest musician ever by Moosic magazine, losing out to Pavarroti by a gnat's whisker.

The album tackles a range of subjects close to Eminem's heart, from the unpredictable British weather on opening track 'Slight Chance of Showers', to his dislike of buses and public transport on 'You Wait For Ages (Then Two Turn Up At The Same Time)'. It is also rumoured that a track about students entitled 'Have a Wash and Get a Job' (originally written for Celine Dion) may be released later in the year as a Christmas single.

Controversially, the rapper is to collaberate with that singing bloke from the Halifax adverts on two angry tracks. The first, an angry song about how much Eminem hates queueing up for ages in bank branches, is likely to face a radio ban in the UK due to its heavy use of the word 'bum'. The second, entitled 'Airline food', contains the controversial lyrics: "Airline food/What's that all about?/When you eat in restaurants/They don't fly you to foreign countries."

Eminem has stated that he's very excited about the new record, and that he really enjoyed working with both the bloke from the Halifax adverts and long-term producer Dr Dre.

"I'm really excited about my new record!" said Eminem excitedly to NoiseMonkey, "And I really enjoyed working with the bloke from the Halifax adverts and, um, someone else. Who was it again? Oh bum, my memories terrible. Wait a sec. No, its gone again. Sorry, can't remember."