Survey Reveals Decline In Faith In Oasis

Statistics show that less than half of Britain believes band exist

The results of a nationwide survey released this week reveal that worship of Oasis is at an all-time low, with only four in ten of the population still believing in the existence of the band. Their followers are largely believed to have fallen in numbers consistently since the mid-1990's when the group enjoyed their greatest popularity.

The survey, commissioned by Pointless Surveys Magazine Monthly, discovered that as few as one in ten children under the age of twelve months know who Liam Gallagher is, and that only a quarter of all adults know all the words to Wonderwall. The findings also revealed a move away from the traditional understanding of the group, with many of those surveyed admitting that they didn't take the lyrics of Oasis literally, and many more describing the group to be some sort of 'spirit' or 'life force'.

An increase in freedom of expression is mooted by many experts as being one possible cause for the fall in worship of the group. In 1995, people were often unable to reveal themselves to be non-believers in Oasis. Today there is more opportunity for people to be forthright with their views on the group without fear of being imprisoned, burnt at the stake, or stoned to death.

The decline in belief is also largely credited to the changes in society as a whole, with many experts warning that unless Oasis become more relevant to society people will stop believing in them all together. Key followers of Oasis remain positive that they will be able to adapt.

"We believers in the great and good Oasis will get through this period of difficulty, just as we always have in the past," explained the Reverend Derek See-Inlay-For-Details, "For as the good lyric book says, when Liam had a feeling he lost inside and wanted to take himself away and hide, did he not roll with it?"