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Home | Archive | Previous Issue | Next Issue | Issue 21 |
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ISSUE 21 |
| Has Graham Coxon Quit The Sugababes? | | Ben Elton Unveils 'How You Remind Me: The Musical' | | Radio One Evening Session To Be Replaced By Two Hours Of Silence | | |||
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Has Graham Coxon Quit The Sugababes?Speculation grows of growing speculation of speculationThere are increasing rumours that eccentric guitarist Graham Coxon has left miserable r'n'b-lite girl group, The Sugababes. Sources close to the band have revealed to NoiseMonkey that Coxon - founder-member, lead vocalist and slow-shufflely-dance co-ordinator - has walked out following a dispute over his refusal to wear short tops exposing his midriff. The story appears to confirm growing rumours of the musician's departure which have been circulating ever since Coxon failed to appear on last Friday's Super-Duper Pop-a-rama Roller Disco. The Sugababes' management have been quick to refute this, attributing Coxon's absence to his innate fear of roller-discos and the word 'Super-Duper'. Recent weeks have seen visible friction between the band members, where once they were as frictionless as something that was extremely lacking in friction - a greased pig in an ice rink contained within a perfect vacuum, perhaps. During a recent interview on Channel Four's Doctor Pop's Pop Hospital Coxon was reduced to tears when Heidi Sugababe accused him of not looking sulky enough. Coxon quickly retaliated by releasing a lo-fi album of strange untuned guitar sounds and disturbing vocal effects entitled 'Graham Coxon IS Sulky (So There!)' the same afternoon. Coxon has spent recent months working on a number of solo projects with bands The Blur and The Graham Coxon, as well as a newer side-project utilising revolutionary flipbook stick-figure technology to create animated musical characters. However, the Sugababes have always been his main commitment. It is unclear how the girl group will cope without him, although at time of going to press John Squire looks to be the inevitable replacement. |
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Hello and welcome to NoiseMonkey! Here we are again then, another issue of pure manufactured music news to entertain/inform/distract from the worry of seemingly-inevitable warfare [delete as applicable]. If its stories about Graham Coxon, Sugababes, Nickelback, Steve Lamacq, and the Radio One Evening Session that you're after, then you've come to the right place. If not then, um, can't help you I'm afraid. Sorry 'bout that. MT
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ReviewMonkeySupergrass
With a tuneful but pleaful chorus of 'save your money for the children', this already looks set to be the best funked-up retro seventies-esque backing track used on next year's Children In Need*. *Or your donation back.
--- Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Phew, after typing in their needlessly long name and song title my fingers are now too tired, worn, and bleeding to write about just how fantastic this fantastic re-issued single is. They've really shot themselves in the foot there, haven't they? Gibbons. |
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Ben Elton Unveils 'How You Remind Me: The Musical'Show will appeal to Nickelback fans, spaniel-loversThis week saw the shock announcement that Ben Elton is to collaborate with another band that is already past its creative best. Having attempted to revive some interest in the Pet Shop Boys and Queen, Elton is now turning his hand to 'How You Remind Me' - a musical inspired by the music of Nickelback. Early reports suggest the plot will be based around the life of a young man - Chad Spanielface - who is forced to rediscover who he is after a routine appendectomy goes wrong, leaving him with a severe case of amnesia. Having lost his memory, we trace the character’s steps as he re-learns everything about his life through the help of a memory specialist. The specialist helps Chad rediscover the world around him in a number of weird and wacky ways, frequently prompting the story’s hero to ask rhetorically “And this is how you remind me of who I really am?” However, with only one song that people know, Ben Elton has been approaching other artists to help bolster the Nickelback catalogue. Speculation is rife that Radiohead have been asked if their LP 'Amnesiac' can be used, with Elton describing the possibility as “possibly something that might, maybe, possibly happen”. Radiohead refused to comment in person to NoiseMonkey, instead releasing the following statement through their lawyer Dr. Tony Jihad: “Elton can bum off the bumming bum, and so can that bumming spaniel-faced Chad bloke who does all the bumming singing”. 'How You Remind Me' has already attracted interest from big West End directors and promoters, with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber commenting: “It can’t be any more bum than Cats, can it?” Nickelback front man Chad Face-And-Hair-Of-A-Spaniel was unavailable for comment as he was too busy eating his new tastier Pedigree Chum. Story contributed by NoiseMonkey member #LW/1251/30119 |
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Radio One Evening Session To Be Replaced By Two Hours Of SilenceLamacq to trial new gagged formatAn insider at Radio One has revealed to NoiseMonkey that the follow-up to the popular new music show The Evening Session will be composed entirely of silence. This represents the show's biggest change of format since 1847, when it was first invented by Samuel Evening-Session. Under the rumoured plans, current presenter Steve Lamacq will continue to run the show, albeit bound and gagged, to ensure that the silence is of the highest possible quality. Up-and-coming new artists will be invited on to the show not to talk about their current work, and Lamacq will also have the freedom to handpick a selection of classic silences from tracks such as 'Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)' and 'I Love Lake Tahoe'. "Its true, I swear, man!" explained the nameless source, Stuart Pretzell, "I've seen their plans for the new Evening Session. They've got mock-up promos, tapes of practise runs, even a papier-mache studio with a tiny little gagged Steve Lamacq working the desk. It's gonna happen, I tells ya!" Although NoiseMonkey was feeling a little too tired to go to the effort of asking Radio One whether there is any substance behind these wild claims, there is evidence to suggest they might belong to the magical kingdom of Fact. Recent demographics found that the average person listens to 1 hour 47 minutes of silence a day, compared with just 36 seconds of new indie and alternative music, making it an attractive option for increasing listenership. If the insider information bears fruit then silence may well indeed be golden for Lamacq, with a rumoured executive decision being made to have both his feet encased in solid gold to keep him presenting his new silent Evening Session forever and ever and ever and ever. |
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NoisesOffDear NoiseMonkey, Why don't you do stories about Michael Jackson? Mr Jackson is the greatest musical performer of all of human history and the reason that ears were invented. The least you could do to honour him is feature him occassionally on your stupid website, you big idiots. I know it'd be hard to make him look daft, but surely you could try? Are you scared or something? Scared of mocking a real musical genius? Do it soon or I'll provide you with hurtage, BRENDAN, via the medium of dance |
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