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Home | Archive | Previous Issue | Next Issue | Issue 22 |
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ISSUE 22 |
| Napster Replaced By Big Pile Of CDs In Field | | Bon Jovi CD To Fight Pirates And Hunger | | Explorers Discover Tribe Who Aren't Bored Of That Dandy Warhols Song | | |||
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Napster Replaced By Big Pile Of CDs In FieldSystem is perfect for people allergic to computersBankrupt on-line song-swapping service Napster is hoping to recapture past popularity with its new big-grassy-field-based music-swapping system. In its first incarnation the InterWeb company allowed users to swap music on-line for free, until a contentious battle in court with music companies last year forced it to take its services offline. Although plans were in progress to continue as a fee-paying service, this has now been dropped when it was realised that people don't like spending money. The new system is extremely easy to use. Swappers choose CDs that they like the looks of from a big pile of music, and throw a selection of their own CDs back in. To kick things off, the Chief Executive of Napster threw in a couple of old Status Quo albums, and a Bob the Builder single that he'd received for Christmas, and the collection has grown from there. Whilst there is no full cataloguing system in place at present, the CD pile is fully searchable with spades provided. Napster hold great hopes for the new venture: "We hold great hopes for the new venture," said Napster's Head of Folk, World Music and Nu-Metal, Gemma McToothpaste, "Its a wonderful system that is perfect for people who are missing the happy times they had with good ol' Napster. And of course everyone who never used it. Y'know, people allergic to computers and that. Its darn perfect." Napster has gone to great lengths to prevent another lengthy legal battle over copyright. Users are forced to promise not to copy any music taken onto tape cassette or minidisc, swearing on the life of a loved family member or favourite politician. Whilst there have been initial problems with cattle eating parts of the shared resources, it is on the whole fully 100% expected that this may or may not be the start of something big. |
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Hello and welcome to NoiseMonkey! Here it is, another exciting issue of the 'Monkey poured straight out of the big pipe that supplies InterWeb across the Planet Earth, just like a big load of manufactured music news water. Only with more pictures and words and stuff. And less actual wetness. Okay, its not the best analogy in the world, but I can't think of anything else that goes through pipes. Mark
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ReviewMonkeyThe Coral
Yet more conclusive proof (were it needed) that any song that features plentiful tubas and sixties-esque 'wah-ooh's and whose video consists of bicycles and men in bear-suits is a guaranteed winner. --- The Vines
No 'wah-ooh's here, but plenty of good ol' fashioned guitars and shouting and jumping around and breaking things and more then doing some more jumping around and shouting and stuff. |
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Bon Jovi CD To Fight Pirates And HungerScone-based CDs harder to copyNew measures have been taken to prevent illegal copies being made of the latest album from 'rock' 'music' group Bon Jovi. To persuade music-lovers to buy legitimate copies, Bon Jovi's record label have included extra features: "We've chucked in a whole load of stuff that people can't get hold of anywhere else. Sure they might be able to illegally download the music itself off the InterWeb," said label boss Jim Jimmeney, "But can they download pictures of the band? Or their names? No." New scone technology has also been utilised to manufacture all legitimate Bon Jovi albums entirely from scone, without any noticeable detrimental effects to the quality of the music. Without the record label's secret ingredient the scone is impossible to accurately copy - making pirated versions of sub-standard sound quality and taste. As is already well-known, scone is also notoriously difficult to download off the InterWeb into your computer. Scientists have been experimenting with built in alarm systems for compact discs that emit a loud annoying noise when copied. However concern has already been voiced that hardened Bon Jovi fans may have built up an immunity to this. |
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Explorers Discover Tribe Who Aren't Bored Of That Dandy Warhols Song (You Know, The One Off Of The Vodaphone Ads)The debate rages - should they be exposed to the UK charts?An expedition into a remote area of rain forest has uncovered a tribe of people whose music culture has been unexposed to Western civilisation. An intrepid team of explorers were trekking through a remote region of rain forest just outside Birmingham by foot, riverboat and mini-scooter when they came across an undiscovered village. The people there had maintained their lives without contact with nearby civilisation, and the anthropologists in the expedition noticed pronounced cultural differences almost immediately. These were most notably characterised by the widespread popularity of the Dreamcast throughout the village, the tribes' insistence that Robot Wars is the coolest programme on TV, and their love of the music from the Vodaphone ads: "I think I speak for everyone when I say that its a fantastic little tune! I don't think anyone here'll ever get bored of hearing it" said leader of tribe, Bob Alarm-Clock, "Not even, say, if its on the telly every five minutes." In the past, newly discovered tribes have suffered from their exposure to Western civilisation. There are many that argue that the tribe should be left in peace and that the introduction of the likes of Scooter and Atomic Kitten into their society could have dangerous and irreversible effects on these people. The arguments for and against forced interaction with these people are long, complex and possibly full of mildly humourous observations, but NoiseMonkey can't be bothered to go into them. Sorry. |
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