Stereophonics Frontman Running For President

'A Welshman in the Whitehouse' campaign gets underway

It was announced this week that Stereophonics frontman Kelly Jones is to run for President of the United States of America.

Jones would not be the first entertainer to put his feet under the table at the White House - pop-chameleon David Bowie enjoyed two terms there during his experimental 'Reagan' incarnation, Abraham Lincoln invented the electric guitar, and Richard Nixon had a hit single with 'The Nixon Song (Touch My Bum)'.

Jones' 'Welshman in the Whitehouse' campaign got off to a flying start, with the singer purchasing a natty second-hand suit and also having a bath in anticipation of meeting and greeting potential voters in his home village. He is upbeat about his chances:

"The main problem with America right now, is that its president is a man ridiculously easy to mock. All that mocking must keep him awake at night, and without a good night's sleep he won't be at his best the next day, which'll make him easier to mock. Its a vicious circle, an angry 'O' if you will. People will take me seriously. People always take me seriously," said Jones with a serious face that made NoiseMonkey laugh for a solid two minutes, "The only obstacle is going to be those folks who say a welshman can't be President. Those people are blinkered, judgemental idiots. And they smell funny."

The band already have close links with America - Jones regularly watches old episodes of 'My Two Dads' in his mind, and drummer Stuart Cable's wild hair hides the fact that his head is exactly the same shape as Texas. Someone in America once bought a copy of 'Performance and Cocktails' and quite enjoyed it, a fact which of which the band is immensely proud.

However, critics say that Jones will quickly lose interest in his election campaign, just as he lost interest in previous schemes to land a spacecraft on the sun, discover the meaning of Life (the suprisingly popular song by Des'Ree), and have a number one single.