Illegal Copies Of Radiohead Flood Streets

Music industry calls for emergency culling

A music industry watchdog warned in a scared, high-pitched voice this week of the threat posed by the mass downloading of illegal copies of the band Radiohead, and called for the Internet to be immediately unplugged at the mains before the problem escalated.

Whilst DNA-sharing sites on the InterWeb allow fans the opportunity to download versions of the group before their live dates, the band members created tend to be of poorer quality than the originals, often displaying odd physical characteristics or lacking in a sense of humour. Radiohead's management, make-up artists and catering staff have been quick to condemn this activity:

"Its going to have dangerous consequences. And not just for those of us in the music industry," Thom Yorke's manicurist explained to NoiseMonkey over a hot mug of bovril, "But also those people employed in the autograph and interview industries. At this rate of exponential growth, the number of illegal copies of Radiohead threatens to cause more imbalance to music's ecosystem than we've seen since, well, the Polyphonic Spree. We need a culling - it's the humane thing to do. Here, I've got a heavy stick you can borrow."

NoiseMonkey spoke to psychologist Dr Mary Ironing-Board to help pad out this news item:

"What we're seeing is the rise of an impatient culture. People can't be bothered to wait to see Radiohead live - so they download a copy of band. They can't be bothered to wait for a bus - so they download one. They can't be - well, you get the idea," said Dr Ironing-Board, whilst keeping an eye on the word count for this story, "Will that do?"