Public Warned: Don't Make Him Angry, You Wouldn't Like Elton John When He's Angry

Piano-playing pop star goes on city-destroying rampage (again)

Government spokesman Mr Motivator warned the public this week to "exercise extreme caution" (for at least thirty minutes a day) when approaching Elton John. The mild-mannered pop artist (real name, John Elton) was recently exposed to a shed-load of gamma radiation, causing him to transform into a green-skinned man-monster when angered.

Earlier this year John was bathed in gamma radiation by the explosion of an experimental nuclear-powered piano. Much to the relief of his fans, family and life insurance company (with whom he'd just signed an expensive gamma radiation policy) he survived the blast, with only minor damage to his person and home-recording studio. However, as a result of the mutating effects of gamma radiation, during moments of great stress, John is unable to prevent himself from transforming into a powerful green giant of a man - a man with a taste for destruction and deliciously-tender sweetcorn niblets.

The piano-playing man-monster has been booked onto an anger management course run at his local town hall every second Thursday of the month. Whilst this is helping to reduce his levels of city-wide destruction to the levels of village- and hamlet-wide destruction, the public are asked to help John to control his rage. Presenting John with the wrong sort of flowers, suggesting he collaborates with One True Voice, and making him sit through ALL of the motion picture Anger Management are all suggested as things that should be avoided if possible. An intelligent-looking psychologist spoke to NoiseMonkey about the performer's condition:

"This is a classic example of male frustration. There's a rising dissatisfaction with modern life that is resulting in increasing numbers of tantrums like these. This condition was very effectively represented in such hit 90's movies as Fight Club and Streetfighter The Movie," explained the psychologist, "Which is where I get most of my behavioural theories from. Anyway, its quite natural for multimillionaire, hugely successful recording artist Elton John to be experiencing these feelings of discontentment. But we should be getting him to sit down and express his emotions - not sending in the army to blow him up."

John was too busy expressing his emotions by destroying a row of buildings in the city's psychologist quarter to comment.